John Williams

There's a side of me that nearly no one knows.

Though my love of listening to and playing music is no secret, the fact that I have to literally resist the urge to dance at times (and often fail when with my younger brothers--always when I am alone) is little known. I can't dance very well. I'm self-taught, and never had anyone really to look up to who wasn't so beyond my capablities that I could actually manage to mimick. But I do it anyway. I bounce, I kick, I waltz alone. I've imagined having someone there as a dance partner, but my hopes for success in this area are not high. No, I think I will always be alone. But when I'm in a good mood, I'll walk down the street, music flowing through me, just burning to burst out singing and dancing. Whether singing, dancing, acting, or playing in the pit orchestra, I would love to be part of a production.

My joy in writing and drawing is well known, but my true desire to be published or to make a film is kept hidden. Perhaps it is my fear of failure that holds me back... no, it is definately my fear of failure that holds me back. Usually someone else comes up with the same basic plot idea. Obviously the details are not the same, but the general concept is there. Sometimes I even prefer the new version's story. I spend hours mulling ideas over in my head. I'll sit, music playing, staring blankly at a white sheet of paper, waiting for the image to come forward. Usually the image ends of being too many to draw. I'll walk down the sidewalk, talking to myself, looking absolutely nuts, having conversations between characters. Usually I can never get the words just right when I've finally reached paper. Oh how I would love to be a writer or a director.

Most of my hobbies and dreams are impossibilities now. Perhaps if I had begun early enough in life, I could have accomplished them. The thing is, until at least middle school I wanted to be an OBGYN (or "baby doctor," as I spent the majority of my life calling it). Everything was about becoming a doctor--well, sort of...it was more about loving kids. It wasn't until I discovered John Williams in 7th grade that things really began to change.

John Williams is my first love (musically, obviously). Sure, I've discovered plenty of fantastic composers since then, and yes, some of them will show up Williams, but I will always love John Williams. I have this crazy idea that maybe, just maybe, if I meet him I will suddenly have the strength to be what I really want to be.

If only I knew what that was.