Notes on "Moving On"

Sometimes it takes more than just deciding to move on, and that’s where the dilemma occurs. I have heard, and no doubt you have heard as well, that it is so much easier to get over someone when you meet someone else. The problem is, when the mind is so thoroughly pre-occupied with that past someone, it’s rather difficult to find the replacement someone. Not to mention the fact that most people don’t like the idea of dating someone simply as a rebound. In most situations, people don’t like to blatantly, consciously hurt others.

It dawned on me one night, that perhaps the only way to truly get over someone is to cut them off completely. This, however, also creates a problem. In my case, this person was a friend, my best friend, and I am anything but willing to throw that away just so I can “move on.” Frankly, I think that moving on is over rated. The trick is not to “move on,” but to accept. No, those are not the same thing.

Quantifiably speaking, moving on is the easy way out. How is that quantifiable? I have no idea; I just wanted to say that. But seriously now, moving on is easier than accepting. The thing about “moving on” is that it’s very similar to forgetting. Just throw person A on the back burner and pull person B forward. Easy, fast and involving very little effort, moving on seems to be the ideal solution. And while “moving on” may be the ideal solution in terms of speed, there is severe questioning as to how ideal it is in terms of duration: hence the idea of a “rebound.” The “rebound” really does sum up quite nicely what “moving on” is. It is a brief period during which one’s focus has been voluntarily and forcibly transferred from a person of the past to a person of the present. Notice the lack of “person of the future” in that definition. The “rebound,” as many people know, serves one, and only one purpose: to help you “move on.” Honestly, though, what does a “rebound” do but make you temporarily glad you are no longer with that person of the past, only to make you miss that very person at the end of the relationship?

Acceptance is, of course, considerably more difficult but more rewarding in the long term. Acceptance is easy until word reaches your ears that your former is no longer as alone as you are. So why would anyone choose acceptance over the apple-in-the-basket technique that is moving on? The thing about acceptance is that it gives any chance of a possible sustained friendship, well, a chance. Acceptance is simply deciding that you are ok with the decisions made by either party to end a relationship or, as is significantly more painful in my opinion, to never start one at all. It is accepting the fact that there is someone else out there for them and, more importantly, someone else out there for you. I would love to tell you the steps to reaching this acceptance, but I cannot. See, the thing about acceptance is that everyone has to take their own road to reach it. So, not only am I yet to discover my road, but there is an entirely different road that must be taken by you.

Ok, now for the complete honesty. I think acceptance and “moving on” are both complete shit. Yes, I said it. Both of those words were chosen by people who never had to accept or move on from anything. The kind of people who married their high school sweethearts, are still happily married, and have friends whose lives are something less than perfect. It’s the kind of advice that is only received from friends in an extremely happy situation. Think about it, when did a friend who was going through something at all remotely similar to you ever tell you to “just accept it and move on;” which I think is my favorite phrase. Just accept it and move on. Was there ever a colder way to tell someone you care? Quite frankly, the whole thing is just a joke. The truth of the matter is that you will probably never truly get over the person from your past, but you will find a person for your future. Eventually the future will be the present. As much as I would love to assure you, being an idealist romantic, that the person of your future will be the person from your past, it simply cannot be. Life is not a movie. At times it may seem like it is—especially because there’s always music playing—but it’s not.

Perhaps the better term, better than acceptance, better than “moving on,” is giving up. Giving up isn’t always as horrible and dishonorable as people make it out to be. Maybe it’s time to give up.

Look to the sky, take a long, deep breath, and fall back into the grass, never to rise again.