The Reason

My life is a constant stream of ridiculous ideas that often have no action connected to them. I am a person lacking in characteristics that are ecstatically significant. Beyond my ability to take just about any fictional “bad guy” and recreate them into a “good guy,” I’m nothing spectacular. I spend much of time in a fairly ordinary setting. There is nothing much happening. I’m alone in my room, sitting on my bed, with the boom box on my bed beside me, listening to something (probably J Williams or JC Superstar). I’m thinking of a story. I’m thinking of some elaborate plot, maybe with some romance, maybe just a friendship, maybe a story about loneliness and fear—something I think I’m not too familiar with. However, this is a problem. Often times, I am the only person who can solve a certain problem—or at least, solve the problem without causing some sort of cataclysmic reaction.

My greatest fault is silence.

I am a hero simply because I am alone. My friends are few and they mean everything to me. I make decisions based on others, but I act on them alone. I think of plots that will never become true stories to anyone but me. They will be lost in the elaborate fibers of my mind, never to be discovered by another creature. The stories will die with me and keep me company as I lie in the darkness of death. Perhaps they will become my heaven as now they are my haven. Perhaps they will become real and I shall be part of them. Or perhaps, as happens with the dreams of heroes, they will die. People may wish for their return, yet they will not come. As the world turns inside-out, destroying itself, and the people cry for inspiration, my thoughts will not arrive to help them. Why? Because I am afraid. I fear what people say and think and do. And so, I go into my room, shut the door and think by myself, to the brilliance that is music, and I let my thoughts die. Perhaps I am the villain. I am not a villain of action, but in lack there of. I am the character who sits silently in the dark corner, watching the protagonist destroy themselves, while fully aware of exactly how to solve the problem. I am the one who does nothing. I am the one who comes up with solutions yet tells no one the answer. I claim to be the hero, yet deep down I know the truth. I am the villain.